Marja Nebula

The Tantric Dakini

People ask me: How do you make precaution for danger? What do you do in a dangerous situation? What are the common dangers? What dangers have you experienced? How often do you get scared? I ask them : scared of what? What is danger?o.O

I felt very safe and sheltered growing up, protected by my creative, determined mother and my free-spirited military father, four older siblings, and my own anger. I’ve never been abused or exposed to violence. But I was violent myself.. and I think my anger might have been my greatest protection from predators. I am the fight-until-someone-dies kind of victim. And my spirit have not been broken by predators yet. My anger is still there somewhere, protecting me, even though I don’t use it to gain controll in unpleasant situations like I did when I was a child (Ok sometimes I use it to fuel my writing when responding to some unpleasant and harrasing messages from clients..;)

• A fact of danger is that you have a much bigger chance of experiencing it again if you already experienced it. I don’t know how to explain why this is logic, but somehow it is. Not because some people are just «weaker»... but something happens to people when they experience trauma in the form of violence. It’s like the predator can pick up the smell of a victim. But it’s more about the vibrations.. energy.. reaction.. wich might turn in to another sensory message that sub- or conciously tells the predator they are in the presence of their victim. With that said; I don’t really believe some people are predators and some people are victims. I believe we can all inhance the qualities of both at given times: there will often occur some kind of duality game between two human beings, be it predator/victim, dominant/submissive, masculine/feminine, powerful/weak, sadist/masochist... yin/yan... if we’re not too stuck in some unhealthy pattern, we change roles with different people according to what properties we have that are opposite of each other. And if we are self aware and aware of what kind of people we are compatible with, we can better listen to what our intuition is telling us about the other person. I use my intuition to protect myself. If I don’t like someone I simply don’t meet them, no matter how much money they got. This comes easy to me because I’m not in a situation where money talks louder than my guts. I am lucky.
• I think that if you suddenly find yourself in a dangerous situation, it’s important to calculate the risk of losing your life or health if you fight. I think it’s better to get raped or robbed than to die or get stabbed. So my tip would be to observe the predator as thoroughly as you can before you decide if you want to fight, flight or freeze. If your desicion is to freeze, keep observing while it get’s what it wants from you, and use the justice system for all it’s worth to get back at them. And go to the police STRAIGHT AFTER. Don’t wait an hour, a day or a week. Go straight to the police. We basically have the justice system so you don’t have to fight and risk loosing your life, so you can fight to get your justice later. It probably won’t be easy, but it will be easier if you are 100% determined that what happened to you was unjust, and if you have evidence that it happened.
• Common dangers.... I’d say hatecrime of all kind is common dangers in this line of work; to get raped, robbed, abused, kicked the shit out of for nothing etc etc... but it’s mostly minorities that get exposed to this kind of hatecrime... I’m a privileged CIS white heterosexual female (or more like pansexual, hetero is so boring in this day and age...💁🏽‍♀️) from a safe home in the richest and most peaceful country in the world, so I’m really not an expert on hatecrime... but I stand with all the victims of such crime until my dying breath!
• I’ve had one violent episode, but I really don’t blame the guy for it... he was a total idiot, young ofcourse, like 26 or something. Firstly he called, and I never pick up calls without recieving a message first, but for some reason I did answer the call this time. He asked if I could fuck him for 1200,-... he sounded young and handsome... but I said fuck no you piece of shit. Then he asked if he could get a blow job at least. Then I knew he was young. I didn’t have any plans for the evening and I was curious of what an idiot like that would be like in person. So I said yeah boy, come’on over and I’ll send you to another dimension. He came over, money first, right in my hand, good boy. Then he said «but since I don’t get to fuck you, I can cum two times, right?» Not a very good boy. I got so angry I had to take a deep breath before I replied «You never ask for more than planned after we have agreed, and especially not after you already paid. This behaviour is totally unacceptable and I ask you to leave» he said «come ooon» and that was when I decided I didn’t want to give him his money back. I wanted to keep some of them and give some back, but first I wanted to really show him who the boss lady was, so I said I was going to keep the money. His voice started to shake, his eyes got blank and serious. «No, seriously give me my money back» he said. By this point I should have listened to my guts that was showing me a red light, and said «Ok, here’s your money- but I’m keeping this one!» but instead I still had all his money hidden in my hand behind my back. I was feeling a bit shaky too, like I was scared. And that was the red light. Fear ingested my body but I didn’t realize it over my anger and need for power and controll over the situation. He took my hand in super fast speed, turned around and threw me over his shoulder so I landed on my back on the floor, he put his foot on my chest, pulled my hand towards him, opened my fingers, got the money back and ran away like a little bitch... the fear was replaced with a feeling of shame and stupidity.. I should have just said «you’re a fucking idiot» give the money back and close the door in his face.
• I have never been scared when meeting a client, except that one time I actually had a bad experience. But i have been scared of something else...when I’m facing feminists and powerful women who express hate towards women like me. Powerful women who are supposed to fight for change that gives a better life for all women, but for some reason fight against women like me who can really make a change in a field that is neglected by society. Simply because they don’t understand what I’m doing. And they don’t want to listen to me speak because their hurt feelings are stronger than their will to listen. And in their powerful position they can walk right over me. That is my greatest fear and grief as a privileged, independant female escort; to be hated and utrusted by other women who wants to change the world.

Know thyself. Listen to your intuition. Stay safe. 🙏🏽 and strong in your heart.