Marja Nebula

The Tantric Dakini

Writing a blog is one of my greatest challanges. Sharing thoughts and feelings and experiences with the world that will be "carved in to the internet forever" is a scary thought. Maybe because of how simple it is... If my thoughts were carved in stone it would be much harder to achieve, it would take alot more time that would give me chances to reconsider my words, and also smash the stone at any time. But the time and skill that would be required to have my thoughts carved in stone would probably be enough to make me proud, even though my thoughts would be revieled as unoriginal at some point..."At least I carved something in to a bad ass motherfukcking stone, and no one can simply copy/paste it!"...

Something happens to us when we are met with a challange. And we (humans) can handle it in two basic ways: "It's challanging, but I love a challange" or "it's too challanging, I could never do that". We either accept our challanges, or we let them paralyze us. Writing blog posts make my stomach go sour, my heart going off beat, my breath going faster but stopping in my chest.. My sight going blurry, the visions of everything that could go wrong clearer and the voices screaming the judgements I fear, louder, in my mind. My body is in a state of confusion, it is tense but not activated. I am cold and sweating, shaking and on the verge of crying, but i'm holding my tears and swolloing my scream. I am pretty sure that this is what we call anxiety. Anxiety is a feeling that occurs in times of confusion, insecurity, unbalance.. When I want to achieve something but I'm met with my own judgements of myself and others. Fear is immensley interesting like that... We need a mechanism to protect ourselves in both the physical and mental realms, this is where pain and fear is a part of our biological survival kit. But the society we have created, and is still in an explosive developing phase, has evolved faster than our mental evolution, and we need to re-connect to our intuition by learning the difference between intuitive fear and made-up fear. Pain and fear are neccessary for our survival. Anxiety is an effect, as a result of uncertainty about what we are actually doing and where we are going. When we experience fear in situations that is not dangerous, it is important that we clear our mind and go through the process that is happening, so our bodies know; we are met with a challange, not danger. Our body cooperates better with a clear mind, and for sympaticus to successfully be activated to handle the situation better; heart pumps faster, blood pressure rising, pupils expanding and breath going deeper, mind focused on making a decision, finding a solution to get you through the challange successfully.
I clearly have a need to feel that I have something unique to offer in this world, and ever since I was a child I have been searching for what it is that makes me unique. What I've found is that everything about me is unique. Just as unique as it is frequent. And that is the beauty of everyone! I don't have to find myself, I have to love myself. I don't need to be in controll of who I am, I need to let myself go. I need to write a blog.

What do you need?